The Weird World Of Victorian Etiquette

The Weird World Of Victorian Etiquette

Updated on August 7, 2013
The Victorian grand ball was a social gathering tightly managed by society guidelines. Supply
Etiquette?
"The world was my oyster however I used the mistaken fork."
Oscar Wilde
The Oxford Dictionary defines etiquette as:
The customary code of well mannered behaviour in society or among members of a particular occupation or group.
The codes of etiquette and good manners have been evolving for 1000's of years. It is thought to be one the traits of a civilised society. This possibly so, but when you have a look at the rule books of Victorian etiquette its like good manners gone mad! A number of the rules are foolish and others are bizarre!
Having stated this, the Victorians did have just a few pearls of wisdom that could possibly be used to very good effect today.
The strict rules of Victorian etiquette have been demonstrated clearly when females visited the beach. There were no such things as bathing suits, ladies had to wear lengthy sleeves and a high neck shirt. Source
Victorian hand coolers - prevented the social nightmare of a sizzling, sweaty handshake!
Victorian Handcoolers had been a necessity for correct etiquette. Supply
Etiquette guidelines for women
"There was a common whisper, toss, and wiggle,however etiquette forbade all of them to giggle"
Lord Byron.
For modern women, some of the following 'guidelines of etiquette' might seem quaint but others are chauvinistic. So be warned, you might end up both squirming in your seat or raging with indignation!
Look:
It was the position of ladies to, ‘at all times be graceful,composed and refined'. In addition, the principle aim of female etiquette was to please the man.
The dressing room of a woman was a sanctuary from any male presence or affect. Nonetheless, using the dressing room was to make sure she had every part she needed to look good for her husband. This is where costume, hairstyles and make-up would be tried and examined so that, "..the husband ought to at all times discover the wife contemporary, lovely and candy as a flower..".
Ladies had an obligation to look lovely always however they need to additionally make sure that "...they make it seem like there was no effort in any respect..." It was also correct etiquette for the lady to all the time wear her hair up unless within the privateness of the mattress chamber.
Duties:
The ideal Victorian lady was at all times busy and really in a position. In accordance with many etiquette books, she may all the time draw energy from her "ethical superiority".
In Victorian society the principle function of a girl was to serve others. This might take many types from ensuring she was always lovely and clean to holding dinner parties. In every thing she did it had to be aimed at pleasing her husband and society.
Behaviour:
When a woman wanted to cross the road there have been strict rules on which approach to carry her gown. She should maintain the dress slightly above the ankle, holding the folds along with her right hand and drawing them towards the best. It was apparently 'vulgar' to raise the costume with each arms as far an excessive amount of ankle could be proven. However, a girl could show her ankles for a brief moment if there was plenty of mud on the ground and needed to ensure her dress was away from the bottom.
Throughout courting it was permitted for a person to bring gifts to the girl but they needed to be of a specific type - flowers, a guide, maybe sweets were also given. Nonetheless, the woman may never give a gift to a man till he had first given her a present. The presents given to the man had a strict code - they needed to be artistic, handmade and never costly.
Single girls specifically were never to indulge in behaviour with a person the place it'd in anyway lead to being 'kissed or handled in anyway'. If a man wished to admire a necklace for instance, the woman had to remove it and hand it over for inspection. Certainly not was the merchandise to be inspected whereas she wore it.
In marriage a girl had no rights over own body. Her husband - with the complete backing of church and regulation - may drive intercourse and childbirth onto her and could use 'moderate' self-discipline for correcting a wife. He also inherited all her money and goods on marriage and was free to spend her wealth on mistresses, prostitutes, playing, drink or no matter else took his fancy.
In regulation 'adultery' was not seen as an excuse for a wife to seek divorce from her husband. Nevertheless, a man would succeed in getting a divorce if the spouse had been the adulterer.
Ladies may solely show their ankles if necessary to maintain their clothes from getting muddy. Supply
Despite the severe etiquette Victorian youngsters were expected to comply with, they nevertheless were as rowdy and cheeky as modern youngsters. Source
Child Etiquette
"Nothing extra quickly inclines a person to enter a monastery than reading a book on etiquette. There are such a lot of trivial methods during which it is potential to commit some social sin."
Quentin Crisp
I'm wondering how modern-day kids would react in the event that they instantly needed to behave in line with the following guidelines taken from a few Victorian etiquette books:
Never talk back to older people particularly your father and mother.
Never whine or frown when spoken to by your elders.
Never argue with your elders - they know best.
Never do something that is forbidden by your elders.
Do as you might be told in a pleasing and keen method.
By no means contradict anybody in any method - it is rather impolite.
All the time rise into a standing place when guests arrive.
Never start a conversation with a customer until they've started to talk.
Never interrupt a dialog.
Never allow your mother and father to carry you a chair and by no means allow them to get one for themselves. Wait on them, as an alternative of being waited on.
By no means run up and down the steps or across the room.
Hold yourself clean and neat wanting at all times.
Despite all these guidelines for youngsters the social history proof reveals clearly that children have been probably simply as unruly and cheeky as they are immediately.
Although Victorian men did have rules of etiquette they needed to follow, they nevertheless weren't restricted of their lives as girls have been. Supply
Even a Royal Princess like Queen Victoria's daughter Louise, was 'governed' by society by extra especially her husband. Source
Victorian etiquette for males
~Ambrose Bierce
It wasn't just ladies and children who needed to comply with the foundations of society. Males had their very own requirements of etiquette.
Males who disregarded social requirements have been viewed not solely as ‘vulgar' however had been typically shunned by society.
Below are simply a number of the etiquette rules men have been expected to observe:
It was bad manners to permit a girl to get herself a chair, decide up something she had dropped or ring the bell for servants while a gentleman was in the room. Etiquette rules acknowledged that these duties needs to be carried out by the person on her behalf.
A man should at all times take away his hat when entering a room even if the room was empty. The only exception was if there was genuinely no place to put his hat.
A really bad breach of etiquette was for a man to sit down whereas a woman was left standing. He should immediately provide her using his personal chair even when 'the gentleman has the most effective seat in the room, he should supply it to a girl'. Nonetheless, if his seat was warm from the place he had been sitting, he should go and get one other seat for the woman and never offer her the one that was nonetheless heat.
If a man escorted a lady to the opera, ballet or similar, he should stay seated together with her during the performance and keep away from talking whereas the performance was on.
In one etiquette rule e-book it was firmly stated that ‘Showing affection in public was brazen vulgarity.'
A famous Victorian level of etiquette was that ‘a gentleman must be seen and not smelled. They need to use however little fragrance as an excessive amount of is in very bad taste'.
The Victorians were always hot on how, as they saw it, ‘inferior individuals' needs to be treated: ‘Within the company of an inferior, by no means let him feel inferior either by your speech or manner.'
In dialog a gentleman ought to never speak about himself or his self importance and solely to talk with others on subjects they are focused on.
Safe subjects to speak about included - books, balls, bonnets, metaphysics, touring or the weather.
As well as the above, a gentleman was also expected to: ‘Avoid exhibiting his studying and accomplishments within the presence of ignorant, inferior or vulgar people - who can by no possibility perceive or recognize what is being mentioned.'
It was thought of dangerous manners and vulgar to ask a direct query. A Victorian gentleman could by no means ask for instance "How is your Mother?" They had to put the question in one other type similar to "I hope your Mother is doing effectively?"
But the gentleman also had to bear in mind to not ask a lady about anything that might offend her or upset her.
The gentleman must not ever use slang phrases and phrases in well mannered firm. These vulgar terms should solely be utilized in ‘bar rooms and other low places.
It was apparently dangerous manners and vulgar to joke on the expense of a girl.

Even royal girls had to make sure their manners had been impeccable. Typically Victorian Royal girls had been expected to set the standards for the whole nation. Supply
Etiquette and the Victorians
Do you think the Victorians may teach us something about manners?
Sure. I think if we adopted their guidelines our society can be improved.
Possibly however some of their guidelines aren't appropriate for contemporary occasions.
No. The victorians were etiquette loopy and there's no place for his or her guidelines in modern society.
Can We Learn Something From The Victorians?
It is easy to scoff at society from the past however is there something the Victorians can educate us?
Immediately, there appears to be a shift away from politeness in the direction of rudeness and aggression. We don't have to take 'etiquette' to the acute. However, having manners is an indication of self respect for in addition to for others.
Perhaps then before we ridicule every part in regards to the etiquette and traditions of the Victorians, we should pause for a second and think about what they could have gotten right?
© 2012 Helen Murphy Howell
Extra by this Writer
43 feedback
THEHuG5 4 years ago
This is such an pleasurable and interesting read! Most of their "rules" seem a bit ridiculous however some of them make sense. Voted up!
teaches12345 four years in the past
I at all times wondered how ladies could sit without the bussles causing them to tumble over onto the floor. Various rules in back in these days to remember each day. Very interesting hub article and voted up.
femmeflashpoint 4 years in the past
Seeker7,
Had I been born in Victorian times, I'd not have lived long after puberty.
At best, well mannered society would have strung me up by the corset strings, taken from the corset I refused to wear, lol.
But, I completely agree with you on the hassle lacking as of late in simply being well mannered.
That was something we certainly ought to have stored alive and well.
Wonderful hub! Seems like you put a substantial amount of work into it!
femme
rebeccamealey four years ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA
That is very attention-grabbing! I really like the pics. So cool!I've at all times been a stickler for manners, and I enjoyed the manners list!
old albion four years in the past from Lancashire. England.
Whats up Seeker7. What a beautiful hub! So full of data, the images are sensible. Your enthusiasm and effort shine by.
voted up/superior/SHARED.
hoteltravel four years ago from Thailand
Positively amusing. As you mentioned in your conclusion, I wish some of these are adopted now. Comparable to avoiding speaking about self and conversing on matters of curiosity to the opposite individual. Voted up and fascinating.
msviolets four years in the past
Though many of the guidelines for girls are demeaning, it appears we could be taught loads from the principles for males! Particularly the one about not speaking during an opera.
Peter Leeper 4 years ago from Londonderry, New Hampshire
Good Article. I learned someplace that the widespread saying "rule of thumb" is derived from a time within the U.S. the place men could beat their wives so long as the stick they used was no thicker than their thumb... Scary to consider...
dialogue four years in the past
Its informative, good hub nicely accomplished.
Ciel Clark 4 years ago from USA
Sure, I believe we are able to take some (not all!) recommendation from this.. Good learn, thanks.. Voted.
Seeker7 four years ago from Fife, Scotland
Author
Hello THEHugG5,
Many thanks for stopping by and glad that you just loved the hub. I agree a few of these 'guidelines' are completely bizarre and it was positively a man's world again then!
Seeker7 four years ago from Fife, Scotland
Creator
Hiya teaches12345,
Thanks for stopping by and glad that you simply loved the article.
LOL! I puzzled concerning the bussles as effectively. I did see a potograph of them and so they appear to have been attached separate from the costume, even so I do not think they would taken them off in somebody's house just to sit down down! Will need to have been very uncomfortable!!
Seeker7 four years ago from Fife, Scotland
Creator
Hello femme! As at all times a thrill to listen to from you - I am going to need to catch up on your own articles, I've missed reading them. I'm getting things so as at home now after adorning etc. so hopefully I am going to have more time to learn extra articles!!!
I'm such as you! I might by no means have survived in that form of environment. I read some accounts from girls, especially the ones who turned the leaders of votes for girls and so forth. They described their lives as one of depression and slavery. I might only imagine how constraining that must have been for energetic and intelligent younger girls.
Sure, I believe we do need to have manners back at this time again. The dearth of manners and the rise of being rude and disresptful would not present our present society in a good mild at all.
Seeker7 4 years in the past from Fife, Scotland
Creator
Howdy rebeccamealey, many thanks for stopping dangerous and glad that you enjoyed the hub! I went to Wikimedi Commons for the images/artwork and was delighted by the good alternative they'd for the Victorian period.
I agree with you, I am a stickler for manners as properly - they value nothing however speak volumes and make individuals really feel good!
Seeker7 4 years in the past from Fife, Scotland
Writer
Good day Graham, - as all the time, it's a pleasure to have you cease by!
I am glad that you simply loved the hub and lots of thanks for the vote up/sharing - it is significantly appreciated. Thank you!!
Seeker7/Helen
Author
Hi hoteltravel, many thanks for stopping by and glad you loved the hub.
I agree with you - there may be nothing extra tedious or boring than someone blowing off about themselves and speaking solely about their very own pursuits! I can often take it for about 5 minutes then I have to make some kind of excuse to get away from them!
Seeker7 4 years in the past from Fife, Scotland
Writer
Hiya msviolets, lovely to hear from you and glad that you simply enjoyed the hub!
A few of the guidelines had been appalling. Femmeflashpoint was saying how tough she would have discovered living in those days and I agree along with her. I don't suppose either it is a case of women simply accepted it then either. There are lots of accounts from medieval onwards of girls feeling the constraints of the society they lived in.
I agree in regards to the speaking! OMG, some guys speak about ladies yacking away? Some guys are positively worse! Especially in the event that they've seen a performance or film earlier than, you just can't get some of them to shut up! LOL!
Seeker7 four years ago from Fife, Scotland
Author
Howdy Peter Leeper,
Many thanks in your visit. That's a really fascinating comment about the 'rule of thumb'. I feel what you have got mentioned concerning the stick width is right. It's some time since I learn something about this however it does stick in my mind that it was to begin with used in the USA and it got here from the use of stick with beat wives. Yes, and as you say, it was very scary! The women could get it dangerous, but I feel some youngsters had been even worse off!
Seeker7 4 years in the past from Fife, Scotland
Creator
Hi dialogue,
Many thanks in your go to and glad that you simply loved the hub!
Seeker7 4 years in the past from Fife, Scotland
Creator
Hi Ciel Clark,
I agree with you. The Victorians could possibly be hypocritical and OTT with a number of things including etiquette. But I think there are vital lessons we can study from them, especially about being well mannered.
Glad that you just enjoyed the hub and plenty of thanks for the vote up - significantly appreciated!
Alastar Packer four years ago from North Carolina
This an awesome article Seeker, really loved it. Corsets were merciless and deforming. There were some good things in regards to the etiquette and manners of the day as you level out and some not so good. One vogue I've always disliked from Victorian occasions were a few of the severe hairstyles of the females however perhaps that was as a result of they did not wash hair as typically as we do now. It certainly was a mans world but no less than a gentleman was to point out ladies respect. And a few of the childrens' respect for elders needs to be introduced again in the present day!
Suzie ONeill four years ago from Misplaced in La La Land
Fascinating! What an amazing hub!
Om Paramapoonya four years in the past
Great hub! It was enjoyable to read about these etiquette guidelines. I'm glad I wasn't born in the Victorian period, though. Some of these rules could possibly be hard for me to observe. hehehe
Seeker7 4 years in the past from Fife, Scotland
Creator
Hi Alastar! Glad you loved the hub - it makes a refreshing change from spooks!!
I agree with your feedback. The victorians are a society that I dislike on the one hand however they fascinate me on the other - and yes there are issues we are able to be taught from them. I think a few of their manners and politeness would be a really optimistic factor today, particularly in the direction of our aged folks! I love children, however some of them today could be shocked at how Victorian children had to behave - I am unsure our youngsters would deal with it. However it could an excellent thing to have this taught to our children right now. But then manners and respect ought to be taught by the dad and mom and if the parents have no, nicely it's probably not the kid's fault.
I don't know how typically they did wash their hair, however since that they had to make use of jugs and bowls and their hair was long, I would not have thought too typically, especially in the winter! I preferred the hairstyles better within the earlier nineteenth century and earlier than - the type of Jane Austen curls and then the regency curls may very well be very pretty. But sure, the severe 'governess' look was really horrible on most of the women, it made a few of them look very mannish, merciless and cold.
It definitely was a man's world however your proper, the fellows back then did know methods to show respect to a woman - they usually were very strict about it as effectively. I've read that if a man didn't act like a gentleman in the direction of a woman he did risk being shunned and wouldn't be invited to attend the large celebrations and events. Now for somebody trying to get on in society/business/politics and make contacts that will have been a catastrophe.
As regular Alastar it is all the time a pleasure to listen to from you and to learn your interesting and entertaining comments. Thanks.
Seeker7 four years ago from Fife, Scotland
Creator
Hello Suzie - glad that you appreciated the hub and plenty of thanks for stopping by!
Seeker7 four years ago from Fife, Scotland
Creator
Hi Om Paramapoonya, beautiful to listen to from you once more and many thanks for stopping by.
I agree with you - I truthfully don't think I might be capable of handle the restrictive way of life of girls in any respect! I don't assume we're excellent within the 21st century, but for ladies it's a significantly better time than the Victorian period.
kittythedreamer four years ago from the Ether
I think they bought a lot of issues proper, Seeker...nonetheless, they definitely had many things improper...as an example the way girls HAD to act a sure way just to please a man. PUH I say to that! ;) On the same time, the magnificence and manners and poise that these girls had was fairly particular. I love the attire & corsets and the beauty within the footage from the Victorian instances. I may need lived during those occasions...and you did too!
Loopy Mags four years ago
Very attention-grabbing hub. I remember studying in regards to the custom/custom/law of a woman's physique not being her own when finding out history as a teen and school student. It was so disturbing to me. I suppose with the loss of the masoginist kind laws and customs in our society, we additionally misplaced a little bit little bit of chivalry as well. However, I am glad I reside now and never 100 or extra years in the past. I will quit some chivalry to "own" my own physique! ha ha
Seeker7 four years ago from Fife, Scotland
Creator
Hey Kitty! Nice to hear from you - I've noticed there's just a few hubs of yours I have never got spherical to studying yet, I will have to cease by and have a great nostril at your newest hubs!
Anyway - the Victorians! These folks fascinate me however they also anger me as nicely. Sure they got a few things right, but in the case of women???? How can any, so referred to as cultured society, get it so badly mistaken? The answer needs to be power! Many men of that time I think simply had to be in management and protecting girls down fed their egos! I don't suppose each man of this time did agree, but when its entrenched in society it is a courageous one that sets out to alter issues. Luckily the ladies started to try this for themselves - I love a lot the sufferagette actions of each Britain and the USA & Canada - very courageous ladies they usually paved the way in which for all us fashionable ladies.
I additionally agree with you Kitty about having to do every thing to please a person! I wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes in that form of society. I remember studying one story, a few years in the past a couple of woman who was left very wealthy after her mother and father died in an accident. As a result of there was no male heirs near enough to claim anything she bought the lot. This girl remained single for the remainder of her life and had a good time being free. She did admit in her journals that at instances she was unhappy about by no means being a wife or mom, however that the thought of giving up her freedom was simply too much to even think about marriage. When she died she made certain that in her Will, her money went to improve the fortunes of some younger ladies that she knew.
Rosemay50 four years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand
An amazing thought provoking hub, makes you stop and take into consideration what happened to politeness.
I am so pleased I wasn't born to those instances I'd never have survived, especially these corsets. The stifling rules to stay by and the scandal should you break them. If you happen to allowed a person to kiss you, or have been 'compromised' you have been tainted and unfit to be married into excessive society. What in regards to the 'Popping out' balls 'which have a completely completely different which means nowadays' Like being paraded in a market. However I guess most women then thought in another way, they did not want to be generally known as 'old maids'
It was positively a man's world. I all the time thought it unfair that all the pieces the spouse owned grew to become the husband upon marriage, at one time even the step kids turned his property should she go away him.
However I do agree we could learn something from Victorian Etiquette, typically it seems as if we're moving in the wrong way as far as politeness goes.
Great hub and voting up all the best way
Seeker7 4 years in the past from Fife, Scotland
Creator
Hi Rosemay - as at all times it is an incredible pleasure to hear from you and skim your attention-grabbing feedback.
The 'Popping out balls' - absolutely! What a degrading spectacle to have to go through! I'd never have survived either living in that type of society. As to these corsets!! OMG! no surprise girls fainted and had so many abdominal and lung problems! Will need to have been unhealthy enough within the winter, however I dread to suppose what it will need to have been like on a hot summer season's day?
It was a person's world, positively. And to be honest Rosemay, I find that men who deal with girls as equals are much more 'manly' than the Victorian sterotype who needed to control all the pieces. When a man has to control every little thing, including his spouse and family, there's a weak point there that's very unappealing!
All stated and performed, sure, we might study much from their politeness. I believe in the far future - if we all survive - the 21st century might properly be generally known as 'The Time of Great Rudeness and Aggression!' - what a wonderful epitaph to go away behind us!!!
ubanichijioke 4 years in the past from Lagos
????L??????????(=)))????????L??
Icant stop laughing. Significantly some of. these re lame while others nonetheless maintain water.
'Never argue with your
elders - they know best
forbidden by your elders
nice and keen approach
impolite
when guests arrive
until they have began to speak
By no means interupt a dialog
chair and never enable them to get one for
themselves. Wait on them, instead of
being waited on.
throughout the room.
all occasions.'
Improbable job! Didn't ???? some ????????
Seeker7 four years in the past from Fife, Scotland
Writer
Hi ubanichijioke, - glad that you loved the hub!! I agree with you that a lot of these are funny and very, very bizarre! I began to wonder if children in those days have been actually alowed to do something - besides just being current and acting like robots! A really unatural means for youths to have to be I feel!
Seeker7 4 years ago from Fife, Scotland
Writer
Hi Crazy Mags - firstly my apologies for not replying sooner!! I genuinely passed your name with out seeing it!
But thanks for the very attention-grabbing comment. I agree that when reading the about historical past and of women specifically it is very disturbing! It's not likely the thought of a man being so-referred to as 'in charge' of the family. But as you say, it the proper over a lady's body particularly! It's a wonder they did not include owner ship of her spirit and soul!! For me, I'd reasonably loose a little bit of chivalry than need to reside in these situations! What I additionally find very disturbing have been the circumstances where wives, daughters, sisters could possibly be despatched to asylums by the husband on a mere whim - how terrifying is that!!!
ashleybunn 4 years in the past from South Carolina
Very informative and attention-grabbing learn! The Victorian period and its quirks has all the time fascinated me. I was notably amused by the hand coolers that forestall sweaty handshakes!
Seems like being a lady in the Victorian period was one headache after another. In case you consider the state of psychological asylums as properly, and the number of women who were sent to them for "hysteria", the social pressures described on this hub seem to take on new which means.
Seeker7 4 years in the past from Fife, Scotland
Author
Good day ashleybunn - many thanks for stopping by and glad that you enjoyed the hub. It was the primary time I might ever heard of hand coolers - I believed they sounded usually Victorian!
I agree together with your a couple of girl's lot in Victorian occasions - I a lot desire living within the twenty first century, though I would like to see a return of among the manners the Victorians appeared to have.
abbyw1989 4 years ago from Eire
Incredibly pleasant to read, absolutely fascinating! The Victorians actually had their very own method of doing things ;-)
Seeker7 four years in the past from Fife, Scotland
Author
Hi- lovely to hear from you and glad that you enjoyed the hub. I agree as well - the Victorians were odd however unique of their habits and ideas!!
Jefferson Faudan 3 years ago
nice article... with exception to the chauvinistic half... but have high regards in proper etiquette
Seeker7 three years ago from Fife, Scotland
Author
Thanks for stopping by and glad that you just loved the hub!
LA Elsen 3 years ago from Chicago, IL
This was a really fascinating hub. I'm wondering how Victorian society would adjust to the world right this moment. Very thorough and informative.
Seeker7 3 years ago from Fife, Scotland
Author
Hello LA Elsen, many thanks for stopping by and glad that you enjoyed the hub. That is a very good question about Victorian society, I believe one of the greatest adjustments can be the role of ladies - how would they cope realizing for instance that the UK did have a feminine Prime Minister and so on!
FatBoyThin 17 months in the past from Kinneff, Scotland
Those Victorians definitely had some unusual ideas - don't suppose I'd like to live in a society where women are subjected to such ridiculous guidelines. (Although, in some parts of the world , issues have not changed all that a lot). Great Hub. Voted up.
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