Bizarre Information Stories

Bizarre Information Stories

Weird Information Tales
we convey you the stories that the professionals were too professional to make up
Sunday, 7 February 2010
Cypriot grease-ball Peter Andre (pictured above after being requested what 1 plus 1 was) triggered chaos on Friday at a grocery store (Tescos) in Derbyshire (Chesterfield) as actually tens of people turned up wanting to meet the former star of ITV 2's Katie & Peter present. Andre was in town to promote his new e-book 'Pete - My life in footage'.
Chatting with a Bizarre News Reporter, Andre said ''It is great to see (asks manager where he is).....Chesterfield's unemployed girls popping out to fulfill me and purchase my e book''. When requested what his guide was about he said ''This guide is about my time since I break up up with Katie, its a collection of drawings I've completed which you'll be able to colour in if you would like!!'' Andre commented enthusiastically ''nevertheless it's not just a colouring guide, it is also acquired a dot to dot part!''. Our reporter then stated ''You say you probably did the images Peter?, but certainly it was your children that did the drawings?'' Andre replied ''Nah mate, it was all me, I finished them with my new felts and every part!!''.
The gang of scary northern girls who had come to mob Andre included workmates Emma and Frankie. Emma (25) said ''He is reet fit isn't he, we've needed to pretend we're ill so we may go away work and meet him!''. Frankie (19) stated ''You're not going to publish this are you?......no, good. If I might, I'd have him for breakfast......and his brother.......disgrace about his music though!''.
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Hideous so known as celebrity couple Alex Reid and Katy Value have had a surprisingly 'tack free' wedding in Las Vegas which is in America. The embarrassing couple (above, in search of the pink bear they skinned for Value to wear on the flight) made the decision to 'get hitched' as a result of that they had a few minutes spare on their holiday in between filming scripted scenes for their new ITV 2 present 'What Katie Did Subsequent - that includes this years new man Alex Reid'.
Reid the winner of this years 'Sorry, I've by no means seen you before....What do you do? Massive Brother' show had been convinced by his housemate and fellow ex successful person Stephen Baldwin that he ought to show some dignity, settle for god into his life and not proceed the connection with Worth, but on his release from the house in an interview with enthusiastic wearer of black garments McCall (Devina), he stated ''I do know she messes me about, I know she's still in love with Andre (Cypriot) and I know she instructed the world (not truly the whole world, simply the stupid folks watching that Jungle rubbish) that she wasn't with me anymore!....but I just can't resist her....what can I tell you, she's everything I look for in a girl......plus I've never had the prospect to be in a relationship when people can call me the talented and clever one!!'' Reid added.
Following the looks on the show, Value dragged Reid off to America so the press couldn't give him media coverage and risk making him more famous than her, however instead of 'lying low' she made the choice that a marriage would ''really push up ratings'', and the 2 'tied the knot' at a Chapel in Las Vegas.
Chatting with the film crew following them, the bride stated ''I am actually joyful, the happiest I've ever been....marrying this one this for sequence might be the one.....I might have finished with out him successful that Massive Brother fing, however I am rolling with the punch, it could make me extra famous!....''.
The badly dressed trend botherer additionally added ''Now, I simply want the papers who we've not bought our story to, and the TELEVISION companies that aren't filming our every transfer, to leave use alone and present some respect''.
Meanwhile, talking on SkyNews a visibly elated Peter Andre said ''Thank F@#k for that, now she would possibly leave me alone......pardon my Greek and sorry for swearing but it surely's a huge aid off my shoulders!!'.
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In the interim the weird information stories is not going to up to date quite as often as you pretty people deserve!. The explanation for this is because of work starting on an thrilling new venture. Please keep coming back though as a result of there may very well be new material!!.
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TELEVISION funnyman Osama Bin Laden (pictured above taking part in keyboards for girlfriend Brittney Spears) has hit out at claims that he died 9 years ago within the bombing raids on Afghanistan!.
The beardy hater of the western world speaking on Scott Mills drive time present on Radio One mentioned 'There are peoples out there what say I'm deaded!, but I say to them that if I'm deaded how comes yearly I launch an authentic convincing video or audio tape!?! answer me that, plus how come I'm on the phone to you right now Millsey!!?? the dialog continued......
Mills: Haha, good point Osama, I feel its simply that people are nonetheless an incy bit indignant with you cos of the naughty things you did in 2001!
Bin Laden: Oh geez Louise, I'm sick to loss of life of everyone pondering I am a one trick pony, I can do different issues you realize,........for instance I'm wonderful on the Nintendo Wii!.
Mills: Okay Osama, so simply to confirm you are not dead!?, have you ever anything within the pipeline?
Bin Laden: Thanks for asking Millso, I'm making an attempt to persuade people to follow me on Twitter, my hook identify is 'OsamasBinTweeting, and I'm hosting the MOBO awards this yr as properly, it's best to come down Milly.......we're gonna Jihad prefer it's 1999!!'.
Mills: That is great, do you have got a observe you'd like to hear?
Bin Laden: Sure please Mill-Canine, I'd like to listen to the Black Eyed Peas with I Gotta Feeling and I dedicate it to my woman Brittney....I love you child-doll!.
Mills: Always good to talk with you Osama.....and here's your track
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Here's a transient round up of a number of the winners:
Ant n Dec acted stunned at winning the ''Greatest Presenter'' award for Saturday Night Takeaway despite having won it for the final 30 years, triumphing over Davina McCall from Big Brother, Dermot 'Dreary from The X Issue and Lolly Badcock from Babestation. An excited Dec mentioned ''By Christ this arenas massive, it's bigger than Piers Morgan's ego!''.
''Greatest Cleaning soap opera'' was voted for by the general public and was gained by Coronation Avenue, Eastenders accepted the award on their behalf (pictured above) as Coronation Road had been unable to attend with actor Larry Lamb saying ''Typical, give the British public the possibility to fuck something up and they're going to!''
The new award for ''Best programme starring Piers Morgan'' was gained by 'One man and his Ego', a present in which the smug Morgan goes on a soul looking journey around the world telling people how nice he is and the way a lot cash he is bought!.
The award for ''If they were that talented in the first place they wouldn't have to go on X Issue or Britain's Got Expertise'' went to everyone who had that little charisma or expertise that they wanted to go on X Issue or Britain's Obtained Talent.
''Stupidest/Most Unbelievable Storyline'' award went to Hollyoaks for the fifteenth yr in a row with the story of Tony, having run out of individuals to sleep with in Chester deciding to have an affair with himself!.
The ''Are you havin fun?'' award when to some annoying Loose Women for the show Loose Girls.
The ''Whats Frank Lampard got that I have not?'' award went to The One Show's Adrian Chiles, beating competitors from Frank Lampard.
The last of the big awards was the distinguished ''Most Annoying Twat on Television'', which this year was given to Richard Hammond for any appearance he has ever made on the small display screen.
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Popular celeb couple Jeremy and Kelly Clarkson (pictured above in happier times) has announced on their web site they're going to cut up up with speedy effect!.
The couple who have been married for 20 years each say they've put up with each other for much too lengthy and are leaving to pursue other love interests.
Though hardly ever seen collectively in public they did attend the current premier of the new Police Academy film 'Police Academy 25- Cops with Alzheimer's, however refused to speak to the press. Although at one level they were heard bickering about whether or not or not to have salty or sweet popcorn!.
An household friend who needs to stay nameless referred to as James May advised us ''This has been coming for some time, theres a couple of causes however the main ones are that cos Jeremy is 10 years younger than Kelly he desires to exit on a regular basis and shes just not bothered!, also he spends all his time with me and the little over enthusiastic fella who cannot keep in mind much''.
Clarkson (Kelly) can also be thought to have change into pissed off at her husbands really dangerous books, his ego, his stupid clothes, the actual fact he nonetheless does Alan Partridge impressions, his curly hair and the actual fact he is a private pal of Conservative Chief David Cameron!.
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Star of her own TV present Peppa Pig (pictured above in happier instances) has as soon as once more been in bother with the authorities. The troubled teenager has been caught by police travelling in the passenger seat of her dad's automotive not wearing a seat belt!.
Peppa's career may have been short nevertheless it definitely has not been boring. In 2005 she famously transformed to Islam and was rumoured to have visited a terrorist coaching camp (though these allegations were never confirmed), a year later she had her first visit to The Priory to help her stop her Heroin problem and in 2007 was caught on film in the infamous 'three in a bed' tape made in Ayia Napa with Kermit and Miss Piggy.
After this shaky period in her life 2008 was going well, with Peppa being informed that regardless of the adverse publicity she would not lose her hit show. In fact things went that effectively that she was offered a BBC2 Radio present with 'Loose Cannon' erratic presenter Shaun The Sheep. Shaun has also courted controversy through the years and the pairing of the two 'stars' collectively was a disaster with the BBC receiving on average seven hundred complaints after each present with the foul mouthed Animals breaching BBC broadcasting laws on a regular basis.
Probably the most high profile incident being after they rang up the ageing star Bungle from 70's hit children show Rainbow and teased him about how Shaun (The Sheep) had slept along with his Granddaughter after the Bear had failed to show up for a studio interview with the pair.
Peppa has been informed to pay £340 and has 6 factors on her pig driving license for her latest transgression, because the regulation prohibits pigs from travelling in the front of vehicles. Peppa commented to our reporter on the telephone 'It's feckin typical, I am being picked on once more, I am gonna give up this country and go somewhere where pigs are respected......like Pakistan or summat!?!'.
Police chief Ian Wolfwhistle additionally chatting with our reporter simply mentioned 'Peppa needs to chop out this dangerous behavior and present some respect....or should i say 'Chop' it out.....d'yer get it? Chop!......Pork.....she's a pig!....oh f....'.
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R Kelly 'Uncle Kelly's gonna treat you to some lovin'
WHO'S DETERMINED FOR CONSIDERATION THIS WEEK?
This week the one who is most desperate for consideration is:
KATIE WORTH
5 MOST SEARCHED PHRASES ON THE INTERNET THIS WEEK
1. Cheryl
2. Cole
three. On
four. All
5. Fours
Bizarre Issues
Expensive Weird
I'm a portly, some would say fat married woman with 2 children who just lately has been made redundant from a agency of Chartered Surveyors. I've beforehand been a designer of aeroplanes, an ice cream taster, a self taught pc professional and a salad dodger!. What I want to know is whats worse 1)The fact I sent my child to a non-public faculty that we won't afford and he's only 6 or summat, or 2) I make him wear 'CROCS'!?.
Aunty Mindy fifty six
N.B. I drive a Passat if that helps in any respect!?!
Mindy, you barbaric dad or mum!!, you made your youngster wear CROCS?, for that alone you deserve to be redundant without end!!
P.S. I've heard your property is a mess, get it cleaned you dirty monkey!!
Expensive Bizarre
I present a show which is named after me on ITV which takes the piss out of lifes unlucky misfits. I might like people to take me significantly and provides me a primary-time information present the place I may put to use my DNA testing and lie detector skills to the test towards people like Nick Griffin and the other tyrant Robert Mugabe. The factor is the TELEVISION bosses only assume I am able to shouting at stupid individuals, they don't see that I am a critical journalist caught inside a twats physique!, any recommendation?
Jeremy (45 Tit)
Jeremy, your not a severe journalist in any respect are you? your friends are dimwitted outcasts rounded up in Argos, your studio guests are rubberneckers who get pleasure from different peoples misery and your viewers are the work-shy or people who will shortly be appearing in your show. Quit mate, your no Trisha
Pricey Weird
I've just been on a roadtrip which proved to be very troublesome, however i did meet a very good man known as Neal Web page. We induced quite alot of damage on the way in which to hire automobiles and so on, and at one point i inadvertantly stole his bank card!. What am i able to tell ya, i am a klutz i suppose!?!. Anyway, listen to me blabbering on,...y'know... nothing grinds my gears more than a chatterbox simply babbleing on with no point to the story or in this case letter!
Del (forty two No fixed abode)
Del, are you the shower curtain ring guy? These things you bought me are great....you have been right....'best on the planet!'.
Expensive Bizarre
I am unable to cease placing lol after all the things i write lol. Its changing into a problem as a result of I've just lately obtained a job writing in the deaths section of my native newspaper lol!. In my first piece i stated ''Bob was a eager gardener and died doing what he loved finest.....the gardening lol''. My boss stated it was inappropriate but the issue is i just do not know the correct place to make use of it? lol? Are you able to help? lol
Shanise (23 Chesterfield)
Shanise, most people your age and younger have the identical drawback, you seem to assume that by putting lol after every part it makes you look humorous!......it does not,.....it makes you a dick! cease it
Dear Weird
I hope you may help!, I'm in a extremely dangerous financial position but i've discovered a certain fireplace option to make a bit of additional money!, however i just need your help with a couple of matters. Have you learnt one of the simplest ways to rob a bank? is it gun to a tellers head or drill into the vault from a neighbouring constructing? I've seen each strategies used in the films and on TELEVISION etc but don't wish to waste my time on both if they do not truly work if you realize what i imply!?! lol.
Jimmy The Fingers (24 Strangeways)
Jimmy, good question!, we have requested around the workplace and we all agree its online fraud lately!. Merely hack into one of the high avenue banks computer systems and the worlds your money oyster! enjoy the money!
Dear Weird
Are any of these issues that individuals write in with actual? The explanation i ask is that if i really had a problem that i believed you may assist me with i wanted to know if you will put it on the location or do you ignore actual letters?
Debbie (16 Barnsley)
Debbie, yep, they are real but we solely put a fraction of the letters acquired on the site. Is the issue that you're sixteen and but still referred to as Debbie?? Bit of an old identify that is not it? despair is it?? feel dangerous do you?? let us know!!
Pricey Bizarre
I unintentionally heard Santa telling my Mum that if she actually liked him she'd let him in the again door as a substitute of the traditional means?!?. I presume by the other way he meant the chimney?!?. I simply want to be sure that if my Mum doesn't let Santa take the back entrance that it will not have an effect on my possibilities of getting presents next yr. I can perceive if she will not let him as a result of he might be very soiled having traveled around the world to all the boys and girls houses in the world, and he might not have brought any protection to placed on his toes? Please put my thoughts comfortable!
Brian (36 Swansea)
Brian, sounds to me like your mum is a bit of a Santa slut!, tell her to verify the frisky fat man uses his sack properly!!
Pricey Bizarre
I am an eight 12 months previous boy who's been left House Alone whereas my total household have gone to Paris with out me. I feel they did it as a result of I made a fuss about my brother Buzz consuming all my cheese pizza which i kinda regret as a result of now 2 bumbling thieves preserve trying to interrupt into my home all day and evening lengthy. All i need to know is will my family come back to me or have they gone for good?

Kevin (8 Chicago)
Kevin, no they most likely won't come back!, you sound horrible and the rationale why alot of fogeys want they'd never had kids!
Expensive Weird
I really like Ant n Dec!, i reckon they're brilliant, so humorous, however my girlfriend says she'll depart me until i stop pretending i am Dec. I just wander into strangers homes after they're playing on their Nintendo Wii's and discuss to them about it and take them on at challenges and stuff, however my gf says its bizarre and freaky......cos I am a 45 balding fat man!. Ought to i cease my obsession?
Derek (45 Grimsby)
Derek, you want a sidekick, then you will not look stupid!. Ask a mate to play Ant then you definately'll be Grimsby's greatest thing since fish!
Pricey Bizarre
I know its mistaken and that i shouldn't..... but i like James Blunt! Actually i really like the sound of his voice. I realise this is stupid and no normal person would feel like this so i'm really apprehensive!! Am i going mad? will i get better? I am unable to discuss to any friends about it cos i think they could ditch me......please help!?!?
Dave (23 Luton)
Dave, you're right its not normal, especially for a person but with assist you will get better!. Attempt not to listen to him, no matter how arduous you discover it, and check out watching MTV2 as a substitute of MTV. That ought to kind you out very quickly!!
Pricey Bizarre
I'm a clever career girl with a boyfriend who i'm really keen on and assume he could possibly be the one, but he has an issue. He's abit obese and he insists on sporting skinny jeans in public!?!. Is this only a passing section?, or will he always look silly?. Folks typically point, stare and shout things when he goes out and its obtained me pondering that he is likely to be mentally unwell!
Can you help?
Carrie (23 Derby)
Carrie, dump him, he sounds like a trend sufferer, next you'll find him sporting plimsols and shortsleeved checked cowboy shirts. Get out when you can!
Todays TELEVISION Highlights
BBC 2, 11.30pm Eggheads Late Night time:- The resident group of know alls tackle the ladies from Babestation
UK Residing, 6pm Rotherham's Finest Model:- The staff attempt to discover a half decent model in the wierd little town
BBC3, eleven.30pm Finest Of Horne & Corden:- Programme could also be canceled if non can be found!
Followers
Father of Sports In Shorts,pushed by Bryan Robson aged 10, half the dimensions of John Lukic,spoke to Soccer AM's Hell's Bell's on the phone.
LEGAL DISCLAIMER
Until you haven't already guessed, NONE of the tales or quotes on this weblog are true!!
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